Dealing With Self-Esteem Issues In The LGBTQIA+ Community

Being raised in a society where being straight and cisgender is seen as the norm, it’s easy to feel like you don’t quite fit in. Maybe you’ve had moments where you’ve questioned yourself or felt like you weren’t good enough because of who you are. Or even thought that this is not typical because no one talks about this.

It is sad to use this term, but coming out is a huge deal. It’s like this big moment where you’re laying yourself bare, but at the same time, you’re terrified of how people will react.

Will they still love you? Will they still accept you? Which thoughts do I need to have a counter answer to? To what extent do I go to prove myself? These thoughts can mess with your head and make you spiral.

Even after coming out, the struggle doesn’t always end. You might still face discrimination or judgment, whether it’s in your relationships, at school, or at work. It’s like you’re constantly fighting in your headfirst and then with someone you interact with. The feeling is always a minus because of who you are or that person for whom you really want to care.

And let’s not forget about the unending internal negative talk too. Sometimes you’re your own worst critics, right? You internalize all these negative messages from society, and it’s like they’re on a loop in your heads, telling you you’re not good enough, you’re not worthy, you’re not lovable, the n number of things that you are not.

But here’s the thing: You are what you are, you are worthy. You are lovable. You are enough today, and you will keep upgrading yourself. It might take some time to truly believe that, but it’s a fact.

Everyone struggles with self-esteem; it is the way you perceive your own self. It can be particularly more challenging when you feel compelled to lower your own standards when there is a question put on your identity. You might excel at your job, be a great friend, or a loving family member, but the thought keeps looming: will people still accept you if they knew your orientation?

It’s important to remember that your skills, talents, and accomplishments are valid regardless of your sexual orientation or gender identity. You are not defined solely by who you love or how you identify. Your worth goes far beyond these aspects of your identity. Building self-esteem and holding onto hope can be a challenge, but it is important you know your worth and needs. Understand one truth: You need to stand up for yourself only when
you are in a crisis. On a good day, there is nothing that you need to prove to anyone. You need to be your own ally and this would change your narrative in your head.

Here are a few steps that can help you

People matter: Find friends, family, or communities where you feel accepted and valued, being around people who affirm your identity can provide a strong support system. Look for LGBTQ+ groups, both online and offline, where you can share your experiences and receive encouragement. Supportive environments help you realize that you are not alone and that there are people who appreciate you for who you are. You do not need a crowd, even 1/2 genuine well-wishers are more than enough.

Challenge Negative Thoughts: Track yourself thinking negatively about your identity, counter those thoughts with logic. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments and look for areas to grow constantly. For example, if you find yourself thinking “I’m not good enough,” ask yourself: “How can I get better? “, “what would I like to do differently?” Regular practice can help rewire your brain to be more accepting and positive about yourself

Slow down: Introduce pauses in your thoughts and actions. Do not get desperate to find acceptance and visibility. Slow and steady always wins the race.

Upgrade and upskill: Work towards goals that are meaningful to you. Divert your focus to creating other identities using your strength and skill set. Achieving these can boost your confidence and sense of self-worth.

Embrace your identity: You need to make “who you are” matter more than anyone, you need to pick up difficult conversation, express yourself freely and celebrate the diversity within the LGBTQ+ community.

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